She shared that she had been saving for a cruise with her sister, but her grandson’s illness and need for hospital treatments led her son to ask for her savings. When Betty refused, things turned tense.

Betty, a 72-year-old widow, mother, and grandmother, recently sought advice online.

Betty’s Dilemma

Betty explained to her son that she is getting older and wants to enjoy a fun vacation cruise with her sister. However, her son reacted angrily, calling her a horrible mom and threatening that she would never see her grandson again. She feels guilty and questioned if she was being “selfish,” asking BrightSide for advice.

Most think Betty should go

Betty’s question received over 30 comments. While some suggested they would sacrifice their pleasure for their grandson, others supported Betty’s decision. One commenter said, “Your grandson is your blood. If I were you, I would sacrifice my pleasure for the life of my precious grandson.” Another wrote, “There are still limitations. It’s like owning an animal. If you can’t afford to raise your child, then don’t breed!”

Commenters’ Advice

Many commenters sided with Betty, suggesting her son’s behavior was manipulative. One user noted, “This is senior abuse and manipulation! The law would be on your side! It’s called the ‘Bank of Mom.’ I don’t think you’re wrong to go on a cruise, and your son’s behavior is inexcusable. He obviously feels entitled.” Another added, “Enjoy your trip. There is insurance, hardship loans, hospital assistance, Medicaid, etc. I would be ashamed to ask my mother, who has been saving for years, to sacrifice her trip.” Some pointed out that the family likely has health coverage that should help reduce costs.

Grandparents and Boundaries

Grandparents have a special bond with their grandchildren, making it difficult to refuse help or set boundaries. However, establishing clear and open communication is crucial. It’s essential to be firm but not harsh and to be willing to compromise in some areas.

Examples of Helpful Statements

To establish boundaries while providing support, consider these statements:
– “I’ve been looking forward to this trip, so I won’t give you my savings, but I’ll help in other ways if possible.”
– “I don’t want to give up this exciting opportunity for my sister and me, but I’m happy to help you raise funds or establish a plan.”
– “I love you and (grandchild’s name) more than anything, but I also have to care for myself. This trip is a great opportunity to spend time with my sister and relax.”
– “This is a difficult spot because I don’t want (grandchild’s name) to suffer, but it’s your responsibility to provide for your family. I did that when I raised you, but I’ll be here for emotional support.”

Compassion and Perspective

It’s important to be firm but supportive. Betty’s son is likely feeling scared, hopeless, and powerless, leading to his outburst. While money might solve his problem, it’s not the cause of his anger. The family should come together in support during such a challenging time.

Balancing Firmness and Support

While it would be a kind gesture if Betty decides to contribute, her son isn’t entitled to the money she saved. Parents can understand where Betty’s son is coming from, as most would do anything for their children. However, everyone has the right to make decisions about their own lives. Nearly everyone sided with Betty, believing she deserves to find some enjoyment and adventure in life.