A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife:

Husband: “I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn’t come back yet.”

Inspector: “What is her height?”

Husband: “I never checked.”

Inspector: “Slim or healthy?”

Husband: “Not slim, she can be healthy.”

Inspector: “Colour of eyes.”

Husband: “Never noticed.”

Inspector: Colour of hair?”

Husband: “It changes according to season.”

Inspector: “What was she wearing?”

Husband: “Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.”

Inspector: “Was she driving?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Inspector: “Tell me the type and colour of the car?”

Husband: “A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0-litre V6 engine generating 333 horsepower teamed with an eight-speed Tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode.

It has full LED headlights, which use light-emitting diodes for all light functions.

It has a very thin scratch on the front left door and then the husband started crying.”

Inspector: “Don’t worry sir, we will find your car!”

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica, “What part of the human body increases to ten times its normal size when excited?”

“That’s disgusting!” Jessica responds. “I don’t have to answer that question!”

So the teacher asks Jamie, who responds: “That’s easy… the pupil of the eye.”

“That’s correct, Jamie. Very good!” The teacher says.

Then turning to Jessica, she announces: “I have three things to say to you, young lady… First, you didn’t do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you’re in for a big disappointment!”